This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
