As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
