She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
