Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
are you still at the devil's house?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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