do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
