Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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