there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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