You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it's like heaven, but drunker
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
