I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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