im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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