he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
