Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
