that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
