with your own penis?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
