I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Are my feet made of real feet?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My penis needs a shock collar
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
