you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
