i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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