are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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