Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
