i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
