Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
