so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
