some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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