Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is Oprah even human
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
