tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
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