He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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