Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
