i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
