is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
