you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
