I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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