Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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