We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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