I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
