My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
