i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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