i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
