not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
