My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
