Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
