i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
