And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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