I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
