remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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