so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
