my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
