And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
