Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
