It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
