he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
