Plan B is the new Plan A
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
