Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
