Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
