She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
