He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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