??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
